Last month, yet someone else I know passed away after a very long and
courageous battle against cancer. It happens that I also came across
about how The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, Iowa Filmmakers created a
video spinning their own take on the fight against cancer. The short
spot is full of profanity, but it was the first time I really heard it
said the way it sometimes needs to be said. In my opinion, it is quite
all right at times to tell cancer to go... (insert profanity). You can
find the edited version on YouTube by searching for "Hey Cancer - Clean
Version" and the original unedited version can also be found on YouTube
by searching for "Hey Cancer".
Fortunately, I have never suffered
through cancer, but so many people around me through years and years
have fought the good fight. The lucky ones have made it through, but not
without the Big C exacting a high price: surgeries, endless radiation
and chemo, mastectomies, loss of hair, appetite, energy, strength, etc.
And, of course, others I have known (including in my family) have lost
their lives to this disease.
I am sure that if you are reading
this, you have probably been affected in some way or know someone who
has survived or died of cancer. Really, can you think of anyone who has not somehow been affected?
Cancer
survivors are a special breed, as are others who are in their own
battles. When I have known someone well, I have had the honor of sharing
in stories of great hope and determination. Their words are often the
same: fight, will win, will beat it, scared, it will be OK, being
present, one day at a time, etc. And then you see the great courage,
grace, wit, determination, power and grit that comes from these people
as they battle with a fearsome enemy.
What I have barely heard -
and only very privately - has been that moment when someone says,
"(Insert profanity) cancer". And, when I saw this little video, I
realized how important it is to allow people to say that about cancer.
But, it is also important to create the safe space for people to say,
"(Insert profanity) Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, HIV/AIDS, the brain tumor,
the heart attack" or anything that befalls us without our having asked
for it necessarily and we have to fight.
I am not advocating we go
out there and lace our everyday conversations with profanity. But,
there are those moments when enough is enough. There are those moments
in the darkness of the moment where we have all put on the game face and
fought so hard to make it through the week, the day, the hour, the
minute and we are simply worn out. It is at that point, I think, that it
is probably fine to tell cancer or whatever else ails you to take a
hike and...
And, if we are friends or loved ones of people going
through a disease or a seriously tough time, or actually going through
it ourselves, it's OK sometimes to put down the tough talk, inspiration
and motivation and simply acknowledge that it sucks and it is not fair.
In that moment when the façade has fallen to the floor and all you have
in front of you or in the mirror is a frail human being, there is
something to be said for allowing someone or yourself to simply state
the truth. You hate cancer. You hate mental illness. You hate substance
addiction. You hate Alzheimer's. You hate the loss of a job. You hate
HIV/AIDS. You hate Parkinsons. You hate the loss of a limb. You just
hate it.
Then allow the space to tell it where to go.
There is strength in the perceived weakness of a profanity. Sometimes, it is not weakness to be brutally honest about something.
Finally, stand up alone or with the help of another. Dust off. Keep walking. And, that alone will make you win.
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